Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Santa Monica College Students Marry Ocean, Seal Pact With Cthulhu

Trigger Warning:
Ia, ia!  Cthulhu ftaghn!
Hey there, dear reader, did you know that there's an "ecosexual" movement?  I did!  That's why I chose to inflict the following story on you.  From Campus Reform:
Earlier this month, a professor at Santa Monica College led students in an ‘EcoSexual Sextravaganza’ in which participants ‘married the ocean.’
Amber Katherine, a philosophy professor who helped organize the May 14 event, explained to Campus Reform that the purpose of the “wedding” was to bring about a deeper love for the planet through “ecocentric passion and even lust.”
The ceremony began with Bruce Cartier, a former SMC student, proclaiming to those gathered at Santa Monica Beach that “today we stand upon this holy earth and in this sacred space to witness the rite of matrimony between the sea and us all.”
You read that right, dear reader.  These students literally married the ocean.  That beautiful, sexy ocean.

Oh it gets better.  You see apparently after the ceremony students were "urged by event organizers to “consummate” the marriage and “make love with the water.”
Oh, baby, take it off.  Take it ALL off for daddy...
 Here's a money quote from one of the participants who goes by the name of "Serenity:"
“Back when I would hug trees in Santa Cruz, I would sort of ask the tree if it was okay if I hugged it and I would feel their spirit or energy or something give a response back, and then proceed accordingly,” she told The Corsair. “Consent is definitely important. Do you think the Earth would consent to fracking and pollution? Probably not”.
True, consent is important.  Especially in California with their goofy "affirmative consent" laws.  Just be sure to get consent BEFORE you pour the celebratory bottle of champagne in at high tide.  Wouldn't want the ocean getting drunk and accusing you of rape after regretting that wild wedding night.
Pictured: The Ocean after a quickie Vegas wedding.
Oh, and in case you're wondering whether or not I'm absolutely full of it, dear reader, there IS video of the whole torrid affair.  You're welcome.
No word yet on whether or not anyone used protection during the consummation.  Of course it'll probably be a few months before we know for sure.  I'd suggest everyone in Santa Monica keep an eye out for Deep Ones, though.
It's beginning to look a lot like fishmen...
Exit question: notice how most of the women at these ecosexual hippie love-in things are grossly overweight and/or ugly as sin?  Why is that I wonder?

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