Saturday, May 7, 2016

Glenn Beck Has Pooped The Bed

Trigger Warning:
Now that's one crazy bucket of chicken!
Previous Post: The Official Woman's Card

If you follow me on Twitter you'll know I have a very, very low opinion of conservative radio shock jock Glenn Beck.  It's not because he's a hardcore #NeverTrumper.  I still listen to several radio hosts that are absolutely opposed to a President Donald Trump.  My low opinion of Glenn stems from the fact that he is absolutely, 100% batshit fucking insane.
Completely fucking bugnuts...
Glenn Beck's slow slide into the blessed embrace of complete insanity has been going on for years.  I stopped listening to his radio show right about the time he also left Fox News.  In fact I'm fairly sure that's when Glenn jumped on the last boxcar on the crazy train.  Ever since Donald Trump announced his presidency, however, Glenn Beck has moved from just another hobo to the freaking engineer of the Lunatic Locomotive.
This isn't going to end well...
Recently Glenn Beck has decided to take that crazy train and drive it straight off a fucking cliff.  It started back in March just before the Utah primary.  Glenn Beck reached deep into the Book of Mormon to pull out a prophecy that said the Constitution would hang by a thread in the Last Days.  Remember that's "Last Days" capital L, capital D.  As in dogs and cats living together.  Who can save the Constitution and prevent the coming of the Beast?  Why, Ted Cruz of course:
Beck said that he, like many Mormons, believes in a prophecy that the Constitution will hang by a thread in the last days. He said he believes that now is that time, and people like Lee and Cruz will save it.

He also said the Book of Mormon was created as a guide on how to protect freedom in our day. At the Provo rally, many responded yelling, "I believe."
Well okay then.  Far be it from me to criticize another's religious beliefs, but really?  Really?
Yes, really.
 All right, fine.  The Book of Mormon has prophesied the End of Days.  Ted Cruz is the holy Cruzader that will come and save us all.  Even though he's...erm...losing the primary election.  Perhaps President Cruz isn't part of God's plan?

The second arrow in Glenn Beck's crazy quiver of whimsy came when...well...just watch:
I just...I can't even, you guys.  I seriously can't even.  Keep in mind this is what passes for clever, hard-hitting political satire in Glenn Beck's mind.  Never mind the fact that this is exactly something that a bunch of middle schoolers would do sitting around the lunch table.  What I want to know is what was the meeting like where Glenn pitched this to his team?  Was anyone around to tell him "no, Glenn, this isn't witty and sophisticated.  This is dumb as hell and you're an idiot."
This.  This is what Glenn Beck needs to hear.
The third nail in the crazy coffin came on Sunday night.  Glenn Beck wrote a Facebook post in which he called for all Americans to join him in fasting on Monday.  No, it wasn't because Glenn needs to lose some weight.  Americans needed to fast because it would help Ted Cruz win the Indiana primary on Tuesday.  Seriously:
Cruz surrogate Glenn Beck is once again encouraging Americans to join him in a fast in the run-up to a crucial primary vote and to spread the word with the hashtag #Tuesdayfast.

In a Sunday night Facebook post, Beck wrote: “I would like to ask that you, your family and friends join me for a day of prayers, fasting and humility. To beg the Lord to not remove His hand from us. To turn to Him and ask that He will heal our land. Beginning Monday night and running for 24 hours ending on Tuesday will you pray and if possible fast like you have never done before?”

Beck noted that, “I have asked for this in the past and was mocked. It is okay.”
Well golly gee, Glenn, it's great that you're okay with being mocked for this.  It's not as if telling Americans to fast because it will help someone win an election is, you know, CRAZY or anything like that.

Oh wait, yes it is.  It absolutely is.
This wasn't the first time Glenn has called for a fast to help Ted Cruz.  Glenn originally called on Americans to Fast for Cruz back in February after Trump destroyed, well, everyone in the South Carolina primary.  Ostensibly the fast was supposed to help Ted Cruz win the Nevada caucus.  Unfortunately the fast failed miserably, and Cruz finished in third place-right behind Marco Rubio.  This result surprised absolutely no one, of course.

I can't help but wonder why, exactly, Glenn Beck has flipped his proverbial lid.  Is he back on the sauce?  Perhaps Glenn is taking too many drugs...or not enough?  Or maybe, just maybe, all his craziness is a desperate bid to garner ratings for his failing media empire.  After all, didn't he just lay off 40 employees?  Yes, yes he did:
On Friday, right-wing host Glenn Beck posted a bizarrely dramatic video on to “The Blaze” YouTube channel in which he expressed at length his many excuses for firing 40 employees and blaming them, rather than his own mismanagement, for the layoffs.

Multiple cameras zoomed around Beck in what appeared to be an imitation of the Oval Office. In this sad imitation of a genuine moment, cameras swooped around the grim-faced politico as he pretended that he was the innocent victim in all of this.

Beck blames a difference in values between himself and his employees, saying that those he hired to spread The Blaze wanted to turn his little network into a media giant. Beck claimed that wasn’t what he wanted.
 A difference in values, eh?  Maybe someone DID tell him the Cheetos thing was a stupid idea after all.
Told you this wasn't going to end well...
Editor's Note: Well, folks, looks like Glenn Beck's little 24 hour fast for Ted Cruz didn't work.  Cruz officially dropped out of the Republican primary race barely 24 hours after losing hard in Indiana to Donald Trump.  Glenn Beck no longer seems relevant in the grand scheme of things.  I still published this post for two reasons, though.  First, because I think it's worth it to explore Beck's insanity.  We wouldn't want anyone to actually take him seriously anymore after all.  Second, it's funny as hell!
Share your thoughts and comments below.  Or follow me on Twitter @trigwarnblog, or check out my Facebook page. 

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