Saturday, May 7, 2016

WTF is with #BlackDerbyHorseNames?

Trigger Warning:
Seriously, what the hell?
Previous Post:  Glenn Beck Has Pooped The Bed

I love Twitter, dear reader.  It's the perfect social media network, information hub, and time waster all rolled into one.  Every now and again you get to see something special.  Once in a blue moon a hashtag trends that's full of just enough fuckery and weirdness to make you go "what in the blue hell is this mess?"
Exactly like that.
Such was the case when #BlackDerbyHorseNames started trending Saturday afternoon right alongside #KentuckyDerby.  Did #BlackDerbyHorseNames start as a protest against the Kentucky Derby, something traditionally seen as a "white person's sport?"  Is there some sinister social justice agenda to get the Kentucky Derby to rename all its horses?  Could it simply be there were a bunch of bored people on the Internet that thought #BlackDerbyHorseNames would be funny?

Personally I'm betting #BlackDerbyHorseNames came about out of sheer boredom.  Either way that's not going to stop me from mining the hashtag for some of the funniest and weirdest names out there.

For example, the name can't have been used by a previous horse. It can't be longer than 18 letters and can't include initials. It also can't feature a copyrighted term. Horses can’t have the name of a real person unless the horse's owner has written authorization to use the name. The same rule applies to naming horses after famous people.
Names also can't be lewd or vulgar.  This IS Twitter, however, so lewdness and vulgarity are par for the course.
Hey! Stop your goddamn cursing!
So, keeping these criteria in mind, I proudly present to you the most hilarious, and weirdest, #BlackDerbyHorseNames.
Oh snap!  It's a bit long for a derby name, but it's still funny as hell.  It makes the cut.
Do I slide to the left or slide to the right?  I can never remember.
Wow.  The 70s called.  They'd like their weird saying back. 
Hey fuck you too, clown!
You know who else brings her own hot sauce?
This sistah right here, y'all!
Poor Felicia.  No one likes her.
Ah Secretavious.  One of the most famous derby horses.  Second only to Seabizkit.
Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!
Hell I got told that numerous times as a kid.  I ain't even black!
  
But is it:
Or is it:
Oh Twitter, you so crazy!  I can't help but wonder what weird and insane hashtags tomorrow will bring.

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