Monday, April 18, 2016

5 Reasons to Vote Trump and #MAGA

Trigger Warning:
Just imagine it, fellow patriots...
 Previous Post: A.F Branco - The Finish Line

"Wait a second, Radius, didn't you tell us you couldn't support Donald Trump because he wasn't conservative?"

Close, hypothetical reader.  I said I couldn't support Donald Trump in the primary because he wasn't a conservative.  I was quite clear on the point.

"So why the hell are you telling us we should vote for Trump now?  What are you, some kind of friggin hypocrite?  I bet you wear ladies' underwear, too, you freaking weirdo."

Woah, slow your role there, hypothetical reader.  First of all, there has never been any proof that I have ever worn any kind of underwear.  Secondly, I have a very good reason for suddenly encouraging you to vote for Trump.  In fact, I have five good reasons.  Let me explain.

It's no secret that this election is shaping up to be one of the most contentious in modern history.  Most of the debate is, of course, centered around Donald Trump.  On the one hand you have the #AlwaysTrump crowd agitating and campaigning for their main man, The Donald.  They're convinced that America has a fever, and the only cure is a heavy dose of Trump juice.
Thank you, Internet.
On the other hand you've got the #NeverTrump maniacs.  These folks are absolutely convinced that Donald Trump is the worst possible thing that could happen to this country.  The strange thing about the #NeverTrump folks is they've gotten more rabid the closer we get to the Republican convention.  Somewhat reasoned arguments have gradually given way to foaming, hysterical rants.  These rants usually end with the #NeverTrumpers accusing #AlwaysTrumpers of racism, bigotry, and ultimately blocking them.
The inevitable outcome of a #NeverTrump argument.
There is a third group in American politics.  One that could be seen as an even more fanatical subset of #NeverTrump.  These vapid, dead-eyed, soulless wretches have never been shy about telling us what they think.  Even if it means pushing through a drug-induced haze to do it.  I'm talking, of course, about Hollywood celebrities.
Pictured: political philosopher.
Most of the celebrities in America are profoundly, insanely liberal.  They're feeling the Bern, and this time it's not because of an outbreak of a rare STD that was marinating in Charlie Sheen's tiger blood.  These celebrities are also deathly afraid of a President Donald J. Trump.  To them, Donald Trump is Hitler, the anti-christ, and Superman 4 all rolled into one.  Hell they're so terrified of what a Donald Trump presidency might be that several of them have vowed to up and leave the country should he be elected.

You said you wanted me to give you a reason to vote for Donald Trump, dear reader.  Here you are.  Five of the most ridiculous, vapid, annoying celebrities that have threatened to leave the country if we elect Donald Trump.

 1. Miley Cyrus
You might remember little Miley from her days as a sweet, innocent Disney Channel starlet.  She went from stealing our hearts as Hannah Montana to twerking all over creepy-ass Robin Thicke as soon as she turned 18, however.  Now Miley spends her days trying to be both Madonna and Lady Gaga, but failing hard at both.
The self-styled pansexual (re: whore) really, really hates Donald Trump.  She went on an Instagram tirade against The Donald a few weeks ago.  Miley posted several pictures of Donald Trump with profanity-laden captions that left zero clue as to which horse she was backing.  Here's a hint: Miley is feeling the Bern.  No, it's not from a case of gonorrhea picked up from her latest twerkfest.  At least I don't think it is.

She ended her caption saying that she will move if he is elected.

"We're all just f---ing jam between his rich ass toes!" she wrote. "Honestly f--- this s--- I am moving if this is my president! I don't say things I don't mean!"
2.  Whoopi Goldberg
I'm going to be brutally honest here.  Whoopi Goldberg has not been in a good movie since Sister Act.  No, I'm not counting Lion King as there was no acting involved in that movie.  She's a cackling hyena in real life, too.  Nowadays Whoopi's biggest claim to fame is as one of the shrieking harridans on The View It was during an episode of The View that Whoopi let us know just what she thinks of The Donald:
“Listen, he can be whatever party he wants to be,” she said. “What he can’t be is he can’t be the guy that says it’s your fault stuff isn’t working. That’s not the president I want. Find a way to make stuff work. Stop blaming everybody because all of this, as American citizens, this is our — we did all of this. We’ve allowed all this stuff, so we have to fix it. But you can’t say, ‘Oh, you’re Lebanese or you’re black or you’re Mexican or you’re a woman.’ Stop blaming everybody. Let’s fix the crap. Let’s just fix it. If you can fix it, I will listen to what you have to say. The minute you start pointing and saying that person is a rapist and a murderer, it pisses me off because I’ve been part of that when they just use a blanket statement to talk about black people or when they use a blanket statement to talk about white people or women or any other group. I don’t think that’s America. I don’t want it to be America. Maybe it’s time for me to move, you know.”
“I can afford to go,” she added. “I’ve always been an American, and this has always been my country and we’ve always been able to have discussions. And suddenly now it’s turning into, you know, not them, not them. And you know, we have a lot of friends whose parents saw this already. They don’t want to relive this … So I need all the candidates to get it together. Get back to American values.”
You hear that, Donald?  Whoopi says you need to get back to her version of American values or she's going to leave!

3.  Al Sharpton
That's right, ladies and gentlemen.  The Master Race Baiter and self-styled Emperor of Black People, Al Sharpton, has also threatened to head for the hills if Donald Trump becomes president.  Sharpton made the pronouncement while speaking at a Center for American Progress Action Fund event:
"If Donald Trump is the nominee ... I'm also reserving my ticket to get out of here if he wins. Only because he’d probably have me deported anyhow," Sharpton said to laughs and applause at a Center for American Progress Action Fund event.
Did I miss something here?  Is Al Sharpton not an American citizen or something?  I'm thinking this might have been another "Resist We Much" event.  Either that or Sharpton's actually referring to undocumented members of his house staff.

Pictured: Cher on a Tuesday.
2. Cher
Anyone who's anyone follows Cher on Twitter.  She's known for being the craziest bucket of chicken on the popular social media site.  Hell it's a wonder she's able to put words together to form halfway coherent sentences.  I'm almost positive the botox has finally soaked into her brain.
Cher did manage to tweet out this little nugget during one of her slightly more...lucid moments:
 Of course no one was quite sure if she meant Jupiter the planet, or Jupiter Beach, FL.
1. Rosie O'Donnell
This one isn't too surprising.  Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell have had a hate-hate relationship for quite a few years now.  Rosie is probably the one person that Donald Trump truly hates.  On the flip side Rosie hates pretty much everyone else.  The feeling is mutual for the most part.  Rosie O'Donnell leaving America is more than enough reason to vote for Donald Trump.

There you go, hypothetical reader.  Five very good reasons to vote for Donald Trump.  This isn't even close to an exhaustive list of celebrities who would get the hell out of Dodge if The Donald were elected.  There are many, many more libtards getting ready to move on up to Canada or whatever semi-socialist paradise they desire.

Just imagine it, dear reader.  Hollywood completely cleared of sanctimonious liberal elites.  

Talk about making America great again!

Share your thoughts and comments below.  Or follow me on Twitter @trigwarnblog, or check out my Facebook page. 

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