|Stop right here if poorly cooked cafeteria food offends you.|
A famous military tactician once stated that the best way to end a conflict was to "take off and nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure." Well, that moment may have arrived for Oberlin College. The NY Post reports that some students there are pretty upset over...the school cafeteria food:
No! Oh, God, no! I can't imagine what these poor little snowflakes must be going through right now. What sort of horrors are being visited upon the poor students of Oberlin College?Students at an ultra-liberal Ohio college are in an uproar over the fried chicken, sushi and Vietnamese sandwiches served in the school cafeterias, complaining the dishes are “insensitive” and “culturally inappropriate.”
General Tso’s chicken was made with steamed chicken instead of fried — which is not authentically Chinese, and simply “weird,” one student bellyached in the Oberlin Review.
Others were up in arms over banh mi Vietnamese sandwiches served with coleslaw instead of pickled vegetables, and on ciabatta bread, rather than the traditional French baguette.Oh sweet, loving Jesus! Just imagine it, folks. You walk into your school cafeteria expecting a nice meal of General Tso's chicken, only to find that the chicken is *gasp* STEAMED! It's the stuff that nightmares are made of. I mean this is something you'd expect to find in a Stephen King novel, or a Wes Craven horror movie. How could it possibly get any worse?
Worse, the sushi rice was undercooked in a way that was, according to one student, “disrespectful” of her culture. Tomoyo Joshi, a junior from Japan, was highly offended by this flagrant violation of her rice. “I f people not from that heritage take food, modify it and serve it as ‘authentic,’ it is appropriative,” she said.Well, I'm officially going to have nightmares tonight. I can't think of anything possibly more horrifyingly offensive than undercooked sushi rice. Where's the media on this? Why do we not have wall-to-wall 24/7 coverage on CNN and MSNBC? Where are the national protests? Doesn't anyone actually give a damn?
Turns out no, no one does give a damn. Listen, I was a college student once. The thing I remember most about that time was that the cafeteria absolutely sucked. Their burgers were horrible, their specialty foods were a joke, and their rice was crunchy. It got to the point where the only thing I was willing to eat from the cafeteria was salad, and even that was dodgy at best. These Oberlin kids have their cafeteria making Chinese food, Vietnamese food, and fucking SUSHI. And they're BITCHING about the quality!
Here's a tip for these delicate little flowers: if your school cafeteria sucks, DON'T FUCKING EAT THERE! I'm positive Oberlin College has a food court where you can find such traditional offerings as Starbucks, Subway, or a Chipotle if you feel the need to do some "spring cleaning." Or you know what, grab a membership at Sam's Club, Costco, or whatever large wholesale retailer you want nearby. Five bucks will buy you enough ramen in enough different flavors to last you an entire semester. Hell I pretty much lived on ramen throughout college, and a few years after.
Of course if they did any of that the social justice warriors wouldn't have anything to complain about.