Heroic Principal Saves Kids from Deadly Scourge

Trigger Warning:
Think of the children!
Folks, the world today is very different from the one we grew up in.  Kids today face danger from everyone from all corners of the world.  Bullying, climate change, fatty foods, it's enough to drive anyone insane.  Every now and then, though, a hero steps up to the plate, and protects the children from the most dangerous threats imaginable:
A first-grader at Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic School in Cincinnati, Ohio is serving a three day suspension for pretending to shoot another student with an “imaginary” bow and arrow at recess last week.
There was no bow. There was no arrow. It was pretend.
Yet according to WLWT, Principal Joe Crachiolo called the first-grader’s mother at work last Thursday to tell her what her son had done “while playing a game of Power Rangers at recess.” Crachiolo told the mother that the first-grader would be suspended for three days over his actions.
Oh you read that right folks.  The brave Joe Crachiolo suspended a FIRST GRADER for trying to shoot another student with an IMAGINARY bow and arrow.

Let that sink in for just a few seconds.  Done?  Okay.

I wish I could say this sort of thing doesn't happen often.  I wish I could say it's just  one moronic school administrator.  Unfortunately this is a pretty well established pattern at some schools.  Zero-tolerance policies have been running rampant in many schools for decades now.  Whether it's a kid suspended for chewing a pop tart into a gun, or for pointing a finger like a gun, the story is pretty much always the same.  Kid (almost always a boy) gets caught doing something kids would normally do.  Said kid is then punished harshly in a manner that defies common sense.  Sometimes the school walks it back, but most often (as in Principal Crachiolo's case) they don't.

School administrators would say that zero-tolerance policies enhance safety on campus.  It allows students to come to school without fear of, well, anything really.  Of course in practice zero-tolerance policies release administrators from having to think or use common sense when disciplining the students in their care.  Kids getting a little to rowdy?  Just slap a zero-tolerance policy together and apply it with all the subtlety of Gallagher in the produce section.  That'll teach the little fuckers!

Hell zero-tolerance policies have gotten so out of hand that even President Obama recommended ending them as recently as last year.  Of course Obama wants them gone because they disproportionately affect black and Hispanic students more than any other.  We can quibble about why that is endlessly, but hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day.  If the Preezy of the United Steezy wants them gone, who am I to argue?

Until then, parents, make sure you teach your children the dangers of imaginary weapons.  Because if you don't, who will?
I used to be a competent school administrator...then I took an imaginary arrow to the knee...

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